Quotes season 5

5x01 Bury Your dead

• Tony: You ever lied to someone you loved Ziva?
  Ziva: Yes.
  Tony: They ever forgive you?
  Ziva: They never found out
  

5x02 Family

• Ziva: I am here if you would like to talk.
  Tony: About what?
  Ziva: I know how much you cared about her.
  Tony: I'm fine Ziva.
  Ziva: Alright, but I thought, maybe you needed a little cheering up.
  
• Tony: (after Ziva walks into the men's room) You know I saw this on Cinemax once.
  Ziva: So what happens now?
  Tony: They play some funky music and then you say, "I've been watching you from afar".
  Ziva: Well, I've been watching you from afar Tony, which is why I know how much you cared for Jeanne.
  Tony: (laughs) Ahhh, your timing is impeccable Ziva.
  Ziva: And how much it hurt when she left... so, what happens now?
  Tony: I said I'm fine. (walks away)
  Ziva: (stops him) You are not fine; you are still deeply troubled!
  Tony: Even if I was this bothers you because...
  Ziva: Because you are my partner! (she stops)
• Ziva: Tony, even if by some miracle Jeanne did forgive you, would you be willing to be Tony DiNardo full-time; to leave your entire life for her? You do not think this through.
  Tony: Didn't you tell me the heart wants what it wants?
  Ziva: No. Actually I didn't.
  Tony: Well it does.
  Ziva: Well it shouldn't.
  
• Gibbs: Do I need to send you two back to the men's room?
  Tony: Hey, she followed me in there!
  Ziva: Only because you wouldn't talk to me!
  (Gibbs stares at him)
  Tony: Shutting up, Boss
  
• Ziva: Gibbs does not accept apologies, but I do.
  Tony: I'm sorry, Ziva. I know you were just trying to help.
  

5x03 Ex File

• Tony: It's only a matter of time..
  Ziva: What?
  Tony: Not a what, a hum. Colonell Mann, Gibbs, army-navy joined operation.
  Ziva: It could last a lifetime.
  Tony: Behind the torture techniques and contract killing Ziva you're really just a...(he stops but he was about to say 'a girl')
  

5x04 Identity Crisis

• Tony: (to McGee) Tell me you aren't looking for a man for Ziva.
  
• Krieger: The boss looks mad.
  Ziva: He's gonna chew you up.
  Tony: Out. Chew you out.
  
• Ziva: It is very clear what you would like to have against her.
  Tony: Excuse me!
  Ziva: You want to sleep with her!
  Tony: I... well, so what if I do?
  Ziva: Same old Tony. I thought the new Tony wanted something more.. a real relationship.
  Tony: I was pretending to be someone else.
  Ziva: Well, you could've fooled me. I thought you had grown.
  Tony: I'm not particularly interested in outgrowing sex!
  Ziva: Sure it would be nice Tony, but it would be meaningless, empty; it would be wrong for you! She's a pretty girl, but she's just a girl! The man you were becoming needs a woman! Or at least I thought he did
  
• Ziva: (In a British accent) Did you get her number?
  Tony: Who Courtney? No.
  Ziva: I did, she wants to learn how to fight.
  

5x05 Leap of faith

• Ziva: I think he's more afraid of heights then you are.
  Tony: Please, I rock climbed!
  Ziva: (laughing) Yeah, twenty feet, with a harness, to impress a girl.
  Tony: Well it worked.
  
• Ziva: But would you... (suggestively hand gestures)
  Tony: What, in a HazMat suit?
  Ziva: You two would make a good couple. You have something in common.
  Tony: What?
  Ziva: Fear. She's afraid of germs, you're afraid of commitment and you are both afraid of Gibbs.
  Tony: For the record Miss David...I'm not afraid of Gibbs.
  

5x06 Chimera

• (Tony hits Ziva with a spitball)
  Ziva: Don't you have paperwork, DiNozzo?
  Tony: What do you think I'm doing? I take the paper, and I make it work
  
• Tony: So you think they named this ship the Chimera because there's a monster on board?
  Ziva: They did not name it the Puppy!
  
• Ducky: You were right, Ziva. There is someone on board.
  Ziva: Not him. There's someone alive. I can feel it.
  Tony: A lion-headed dragon goat?
  Ziva: Maybe.
  

5x08 Designated Target

• Ziva: (talking on her cell phone) No, no, no, it's not you, it's just... Well, you know, these things run their course, and well, ah, you, you must accept...
  Tony: Personal call, David?
  Ziva: (covering the phone) Yes! Go away!
  Tony: Somebody being dumped?
  Ziva: Oh. How do you tell someone you no longer want to see them?
  Tony: Easy. (grabs her cell phone) Listen dirt bag, this is Ziva's husband. I have your phone number now, I can find your address. If you ever try to contact her again I will reach down your throat, grab your intestines, rip them out and drive over your head! Lose this number or lose your life! (snaps the phone shut and hands it back to Ziva) Your welcome.
  Ziva:That was my Aunt Nettie, from Tel Aviv. She was trying to stop seeing her 86 year old mahjongg partner.
  Tony: Why didn't you stop me?
  Ziva: Too stunned!
  Tony: Where do I send flowers?
  Ziva: If you communicate with her again, I will kill you!
  
• Tony: (pointing to his head) Is this side of my head bigger?
  Ziva: Yes, but so is the other side.
  
• Tony: How long have you been in this country?
  Ziva: Why?
  Tony: Well, you never heard of gypsy cabs. You don't use contractions. Assimilate already!
  Ziva: What are contraptions?
  Tony: Ah! Never mind.
  
• Tony: Look at that. It's incredible. Probie's lips are still moving while he's working. He's like one of those Romanian orphans who can't stop rocking.
  Ziva: You are so prejudice.
  Tony: I am not. I'm not. By the way, that's a contraction - I'm - you should try it some time.
  
• Gibbs: Does anyone have any answers?!
  Tony: Ziva!?
  Ziva: No.
  Tony: Ziva doesn't have any answers, boss!
  
• Ziva: You're xenophobic!
  Tony: I am not xenophobic, that's one of my favorite shows! Leather skirts, lesbian sword fighting, female empowerment. Maybe I am little Ziva-phobic.
  Ziva: Do you see what I see?
  Tony: Crazy Israeli chick with impulse issues?
  
• Ziva: Do you ever think about soulmates?
  Tony: They are on Decca right? Big hit in seventees, sort of a disco thing? Sign a few bars i get it.
  Ziva: You'll never get it.
  

5x09 Lost and Found

• Ziva: I'm driving.
  Tony: I'm dead
  
• Tony: This is going to suck.
  Ziva: Stop complaining.
  Tony: Sorry. No sleep tends to do that to me.
  Ziva: I drove Tony. You could have slept all night if you wanted.
  Tony: I tried but the orchestra of blaring car horns kept me awake.
  
• Tony: (Looking at map) Alright. Topographic, speaks my language. Follow me. I got it.
  Ziva: Tony!
  Tony: What?
  Ziva: The trail, it's this way
  
• Ziva: This is not the time for sight seeing, Tony!
  Tony: The only sight I'm seeing is your big black...
  Ziva: (interrupting in outrage) Hey!
  Tony: ...backpack, walking faster!
  

5x10 Corporal Punishment

• Tony: I've been working on my six pack, you know abs.
  Ziva: Have you and Abby been drinking?
  
• McGee: You know that's how Houdini died.
  Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
  Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
  
• Ziva: Do any of your ideas come from reality?
  Tony: Sure, just not your reality.
  
• Tony: What were you having feelings about? You just said you were having feelings.
  Ziva: I said I have feelings, not that I am having feelings.
  McGee: That is a pretty sophisticated grammatical differentiation.
  Tony: Don't change the subject with your big words McNerd.
  
• Tony: If she's [Ziva] got a fault, it's that she cares too much.
  

5x11 Tribes

• Tony: (about Agent Langer as he walks away) What an ass!
  Ziva: (admiringly) Yes, indeed!
  Tony: You're Langer leering...you're leering at Langer.
  Ziva: What if i am, Tony? He's cute.
  Tony: (laughing nervously) Ah! Cute! He's not cute, he's like..
  Ziva: (stopping him with a finger on his lips) Don't speak!
  

5x12 Stakeout

• Ziva: The jack she is with is gross.
  Tony: You mean John.
  Ziva: You know him?
  Tony: Oh my God...
  
• Jardin: Ziva.
  Ziva: Yeah.
  Jardin: I don't know if I should say anything or not but I saw Tony putting something under your car.
  Ziva: What? When?
  Jardin: What, I don't know. When, this morning.
  Ziva: Hah, I told you... I told you he could not be trusted!
  (Ziva runs to her car)
  McGee: Was Tony really messing with her car?
  Jardin: No. Tony just told me to tell Ziva that when I saw her.
  
• Ziva: Does this metro homicide know what you're doing?
  Tony: Detective Sparr and I have an understanding
  Ziva: (laughing sarcastically) I bet you do. Detective Sparr must be hot...
  Tony: Yes, but no. For the moment is all business.
  Ziva: Business?
  Tony: Business.
  

5x13 Dog Tags

• Ziva: Did you wake up in the wrong bed this morning?
  Tony: If your question is did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, the answer is no, but my mood did sour somewhat when I walked in and found that our chief suspect is dead
  
• (Tony and Gibbs enter the room Ziva is in and she is on her knees looking under the bed giving them a clear view of her ass)
  Tony: Room with a view.
  
• Ziva: (referring to Erica) I guess she prefers McGee's scent.
  Tony: Ha! She'll eat him alive.
  

5x14 Internal Affairs

• (After Jeanne walks by Tony and Ziva)
  Ziva: Be a man, Tony.
  Tony: She accused me of murder!
  Ziva: Who is the bad guy? Be a man. Go tell what she needs to hear
  

5x15 In the zone

• Abby: (to Tony and Nikki on the video) Why are you guys sharing a room?
  Ziva: They are sharing a room?!
  Tony: We're not exactly sharing a room.
  Ziva: Either they are sharing a room or they're not sharing a room i don't see why he's so exact or not exact about it.
  

5x16 Recoil

• Ziva: What?
  Tony: You don't look so bad. McGee said you have a wreck
  (he tried to touch it and Ziva put his arm down)
  Tony: I was just gonna tousle your hair...sometimes it makes you smile.
  
• Ziva: Sheket Bevakasha!
  Tony: I don't know him. Borscht belt comedian?
  Ziva: It is Hebrew, for shut up!
  Tony: Really did effect you, huh? Have you had your mandatory session with the shrink?
  Ziva: Yes.
  Tony: Still crazy, then?
  
• Tony: Drink?
  Ziva: Not tonight, Tony
  Tony: Listen...I was trying to make light of what you went through just trying to snap you out of space, you know?
  Ziva: I have perfectly good space in my head
  Tony: Great, than let's get a drink. You talk, I listen.
  Ziva: I don't wanna drink.
  Tony: Okay...one drink. I'll talk, you listen.
  Ziva: Tony, no.
  
• Tony:...she could easily be the victim number six and your pal Locke could be her killer.
  Ziva: He's not a killer
  Tony: (angry) okay, co-killer, assistant killer, killer's apprentist!
  Ziva: Michael was not involved in the murder.
  Tony: Michael?!
  Ziva: (embarassed) That is his name.
  Tony: That is his first name...You didn't...don't tell me...okay tell me!
  Ziva: What i did or did not do is none of your business.
  
• Tony: Abby calculated the high and the weight of the man in the surveillance and he's just like Locke.
  Ziva: The only thing that proves is that you are jealous.
  Tony: I'm concerned.
  
• Tony: Of course with your hands on experience last night maybe you could collaborate. So you two were leaving the bar together...
  Ziva: You followed me?
  Tony: Don't flatter yourself. You did look good on the surveillance video. How about ten pounds?
  
• Tony: (singing to Ziva) I wanna tell you just how much I...(he stops and talks with Gibbs about the film)
  
• Tony: (talking to Ziva) Hey, McGee thinks you're raging against the machine because you had to kill your serial killer boyfriend
  

5x17 About a Face

• Tony: Got to figure out what he was doing here.
  Ziva: And with whom he was doing it.
  Tony: Doing what with?
  Ziva: Whatever it was he was doing when he was undone.
  Tony: Done, what?
  Ducky: Don't you understand the Queen's English?
  Tony: Not this queen
  

5x18 Judgement Day

• Tony: Sorry, Ziva, I'm going to have to cut you lose. (turns to see Ziva walking away) Hey, wait up!
  
• Ziva: You're googling...again
  Tony: A book, how McGeish of you
  Ziva: You're on my sun.
  Tony: You'll take it later, come on, let's go. (he tried to take her book)
  Ziva: If you value that hand i suggest you back away slowly...I'm not going anywhere.
  Tony: Director gave us the day off.
  Ziva: Yes, and she can just easily change her mind. You need to stay close to the home base, just in case.
  Tony: We have cellphones, Ziva. If she needs to get in touch with us, she will just call us.
  Ziva: What do you have in mind?
  
• Ziva: (after she gets into the car Tony rented, she hears Tony talk about the car) First movie quote I hear and I'm driving
  
• Tony: You want the autentic L.A experience...I'm giving it to you.
  Ziva: I wanted to read my book.
  Tony: There are books in the D.C.
  Ziva: There is traffic as well.
  
• Ziva: She's hiding something from us.
  Tony: Yes, it's called a sex life. Maybe if you have one you could be a little more understanding.
  Ziva: Ah, ah. I can tell you stories...
  Tony: Tell, slowly.
  
• Tony: Don't try to make yourself useful.
  Ziva: What do you want me to do? Hold your nozzle?
  

5x18 Judgement Day 2

• Tony: Surprised it took you so long... thank God for Ducky.
  Ziva: You have not listened to anything I have said.
  Tony: Well it's only been three years. I'm a slow learner.
  Ziva: And a slow healer... You're crying over spilled milk.
  Tony: It's not milk that I spilled.
  Ziva: Do not do this Tony.
  Tony: Don't do what? Blow my protection detail? Blow my undercover assignment?
  Ziva: Those sound like apologies.
  (Tony hands Ziva a bottle of Whiskey)
  Tony: She died alone.
  Ziva: We are all alone.
  Tony: Yeah, thanks for that... I just mean that she never got married, never had any children, never even heard her talk about it... (he looke at her)Paris... that's when it must have happened.
  Ziva: The two of them alone, in another world.
  Tony: Putting their lives in each other's hands, every day.
  Ziva: Not to mention the long nights.
  Tony: It was inevitable.
  Ziva: Nothing is inevitable
  
• Leon: Did you two know Mike Franks is involved in this?
  Ziva: Yes.
  Tony: No.
  Leon: You want to take a moment and get your stories straight?
  Ziva: No.
  Tony: Yes.
  Leon: That explains how director Shepherd got out to the dinner. Franks was the fifth shooter.
  Tony: On Jenny's side.
  Leon: Who's side are you on?
  Tony and Ziva: Gibbs.
  Leon: Well you finally got your stories straight
  

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